The Good, the bad, the ugly...but always beautiful.

"Several people have asked me to describe what I do in my role as case manager,
​so, I have managed to come up with my "Top Ten" list of how I would describe my day-to-day life here at NB."

In June I will be celebrating my 1-year anniversary of working at New Beginnings.  Having the opportunity to serve God by serving these women and children has been so rewarding and such a blessing to me.  Several people have asked me to describe what I do in my role as case manager, so I have managed to come up with my "Top Ten" list of how I would describe my day-to-day life here at NB. 
     
​Please take a minute to peruse the list:

1. Rewarding
2. Difficult
3. Joy-filled
4. Heart-breaking
5. Fun
6. Frustrating
7. Character building
8. Exhausting 
9. Loving
10. Exciting

     It gives you a bit of whip lash reading the list, doesn't it?   How does the pendulum swing that far?  Because I am working with women who are in fight or flight, and in constant survival mode.  They are desperate to feel safe, loved, and stable.  They have not felt this way in months, most times years, and for some...they have never felt that way.  This means that it will take months and sometimes years to break the chains that have had them shackled for so long.  At NB we pray that we will be able to help them heal and find stability.  This is why we are a 5-year program.​

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"I get to serve the LORD by serving these girls and their babies. ​It's a pretty sweat deal and
        I absolutely love that I get to do this every day. "        

​My official title is Case Manager, but I have taken to referring to myself as the "Case-momager".   This is because they are under my care, I help them to navigate life through goal meetings, and yes, I sometimes have to discipline these young women.  The biggest reason for the new title?  I love them like they are my own.  We have celebrated Birthdays, Christmas, and Easter,visited the zoo, painted, and so much more...together. I have had the joyand privilege of attending the baptism of a mother and her son and watching her graduate with her HSED (high school diploma).  There is always so much laughter and love.  The most special part of my role?  I get to worship with these moms every single day and sometimes even on Sunday.   I get to serve the LORD by serving these girls and their babies.  It's a pretty sweet deal and I absolutely love that I get to do this every day.     ​

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"It is heart-breaking to know that there are some who look down on us for the decisions we make, because they have no idea that we would do (have done) anything (everything) for these women."

​​     But sometimes it is just.so.hard. Unfortunately, because of past trauma and having that "fight or flight" response, some moms are masters of manipulation and will tell people on the outside just about anything that will paint themselves in a good light, and ours in a dark one.  I have had a couple of people question our programming and practices.  "How could you just put her out on the street? Aren't you going to do something for her? Who makes these decisions?"  It is heart-breaking to know that there are some who look down on us for the decisions we make, because they have no idea that we would do (have done) anything (everything) for these women.  So, I have decided to shed some much-needed light on the situation.     
​Here is what they don't see:  

• ​Pages and pages of documentation detailing verbal warnings and write-ups.
• A young mom screaming in my face for 10 minutes straight because I asked her to come down for devotion.
• Finding a vacuum cleaner filled with baby poo and a garbage can on the back porch, purposely placed upside down also full of poo and maggots in 90* weather. 
• Watching a mother refuse to feed her malnourished baby solids because she was afraid her baby would choke.
• Me being threatened by a pregnant mother who didn't want to do programming.
• Seeing a mother struggling so bad with PPD that she didn't shower, clean, or properly take care of her baby.
• Putting my whole heart and soul into helping a struggling mom succeed, only to have her leave with no notice.
• Not being able to say goodbye to the mothers and babies I have come to love and care for.​

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"We give grace upon grace up on grace...and we have patience. So. Much. Patience."

Whenever we lose a resident, whether it is by choice or because we have had to ask them to leave, there is always a very good reason(s).  Decisions about disciplinary actions, write-ups, and termination of a resident's ability to live here are not made in a vacuum.  I work very closely with Chelsea, our Home Manager, and we live by the 3 E's.  "Encourage. Empathize. Do not Enable."   We give grace upon grace up on grace...and we have patience. So. Much. Patience.  At the end of the day, these young women have to want to change.  They have to want more for themselves and their child.  Looking back on the moms who have left our program, every single one of them had two or more       of the following issues.
​They:

• still wanted to blame others for their problems 
• were combative
• unwilling to do programming
• angry at the world
• were struggling with mental health concerns.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   These are things that they can overcome, but only if they are ready and willing to put in the work.   When they come to us it isn't easy to see if they are ready or not.  We just pray with and for them, that they will be successful and that, " The God of hope fill them with all joy and peace as they trust in him, so that they may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13"

        Will you please pray with and for us too?  Pray for our moms and their babies.  Pray for the Staff at NB, that God will continue to give us the mental, emotional, and physical strenth to be present for our residents. Finally, please pray that we will continue to be able to serve mothers and children for years and years to come.

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"I became burned out and slowly began relying on myself instead of giving it to God
and allowing him to fully take care of their needs."-Heather Minning

                                                                                  Postscript:
     In Watertown, Wisconsin there is another home for mothers called Cornerstone of Grace. Heather Minning, a case manager there, graciously answered the following questions for me regarding her experiences. Thank you so much Heather!
                                                     What is the most rewarding part of your job? 
     Listening to the women pray out loud. Their prayers come from a pure heart, they aren’t lofty, unending prayers, they aren’t trying to impress someone. They pray honest, raw prayers of grace, forgiveness and love. They know what it’s like to live on the streets and see the devil in someone’s eyes. They know what it’s like to feel hopeless yet, because of God working in their hearts at Cornerstone they also know God’s love and mercy.  
                        What is the most challenging part of your job?
     When I first began at Cornerstone, I was running ragged, trying to meet every woman and child’s needs at both homes. Driving them here and there, remembering every conversation, what triggers them, bringing them homemade treats, staying late, etc. I became burned out and slowly began relying on myself instead of giving it to God and allowing him to fully take care of their needs.  I’ve learned that it’s okay to say, “Not right now” or “I’ll get back to you” or “I’ll pray about it”, instead of fulfilling their every wish right at that moment. I still care but have limits and give it to God to gently guiding them. 
        Please describe a specific experience that brought you joy.
      At Cornerstone of Grace the women have bible study in the mornings on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Fridays at 5:15 a.m. They start their day off right and get in God’s word before kids wake up and work happens. Incredible moments happen around our long conference table in the mornings. Recently, the women have started creating their own topical lessons to teach to one another.  
​     One morning Michele, the founder of Cornerstone, was explaining how to use a Bible, where the books were, how many in the Old Testament, New Testament, etc. I watched them fumble through with sleepy eyes asking questions and not understanding the things I simply took for granted. It was eye opening. One mom was asking what’s the job in the Bible?” She pronounced it like someone getting hired for a job.  It always brings me joy to see the Bible through their eyes and their willingness to learn from it. ​

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