Interview With a Single Mother

​For this blog I interviewed one of my friends, Alexis. She’s 25 and the mother of Lola, who’s almost three. Alexis recently finished her associate’s degree and is continuing her education. She’s one of the strongest people I know, and I couldn’t wait to get some of her insights on what it’s like to be a single mother.

​What’s something you wish you would’ve known when becoming a mother?
Alexis wishes her father would’ve told her how hard it was to have a split family. She has one full brother, plus a sister from her father’s first marriage and another sister from a different relationship. Things never worked out with Lola’s father, but she remains in regular contact with him and Lola sees him often. However, it is so hard to make everyone happy. She’s trying to make it work, but there’s always something that doesn’t sit right.

Alexis and daughter Lola

What’s the best part about being a mother?
Alexis’s favorite moments are those quiet nights. Lola is always quick to announce her affection with an “I love you mom,” “Thank you mom,” or “You’re safe now.” “You can just tell by their look that you’re the greatest person in the world to them. Suddenly this gooey wet thing on your chest is the most important part of your life,” said Alexis. Unconditional love is an amazing thing. “You’re not doing half a bad job,” Alexis assures, “Always raise your child to be polite, helpful, and respectful.”

What are struggles you’ve faced as a single mother?
“Stability!” Alexis quickly responded, “Financial stability especially.” She’s currently looking for a new home for just her and Lola. She wants to be able to be the parent that she wants to be. She stated that even if you are living with someone rent-free, “pay rent” but put it into your child’s savings account. Additionally, when seasonal clothes go on sale, buy the next size up.

​What does your faith mean to you as a single mother?
When Alexis was a senior in high school, she was a hot mess. A person close in her life made her go to church with them, and she has been going to that same church ever since. When you feel alone and insecure, it’s comforting for people to pray with you and for you. Church is a place to go when you don’t know where your life is going. “It’ll make me feel happy, everything will turn out fine. I have another human being I can’t let down,” Alexis stated, “make sure I’m doing my best with this healthy, smart girl.” 

​How important has education been to you as a single mother?
Alexis’s father got his doctorate when she was sixteen. He studied all the time even at school events like basketball games. He showed Alexis how to achieve. He has four kids and he still did it. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a significant other but family support is good. Nowadays you need credentials. Finishing school is Alexis’s top priority. She balanced out the hard part when Lola was a baby and knows what it’s like to be completely overwhelmed.

What advice would you give to single mothers?
“It’s okay,” Alexis said, “It’s okay if you have it together or if you don’t. If you have a baby you’re strong. You’re giving, caring and nurturing. You will be okay. Nothing will be as bad as you think. To Lola, I’m the best person. Don’t make your kid think it’s not okay. My parents sometimes didn’t have the best of times but that never stopped them from giving us a good life. Sky’s the limit. Never too late to go to school, even if you have two, four kids. Always resources out there.” 

Proverbs 20:5: “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.”

Rachel Christian is an intern from Wisconsin Lutheran College. She is a senior Communicative Arts major with an emphasis in business. She grew up in Sullivan, Wisconsin and graduated from Lake Country Lutheran High School. In her free time she enjoys movies, the outdoors, and spending time with her cat, Cleo.